NEW YORK - 5 YEARS LATER
It was a warm summer morning, the skies were blue, the birds chirping ready to usher in the new day. My brothers Wesh and Kim were ready to drive me to NYC. The date was July 19th, the year 2015 a few minutes past 6 am. I remember my brother Kim asking me a few days prior for keys to my storage place to start loading up my stuff. That’s the kind of guy he was - he did not want me to lift a finger. The truck was his to - thanks to his job. Helped me save money with transportation costs. I miss my brother terribly.
I can’t talk about this journey because he was always a part of it. He was beyond excited! You would have thought he was the one moving. The journey up North started when the sun rose, an indicator of a new dawn. The drive was long, sprinkled with stories, and lapses of comfortable silences. Taking in the scenery along the drive. Upon arrival to NYC, my brothers helped me unload, move in, made sure I was settled before they headed back to Maryland.
I was left surrounded with my unpacked boxes, a bed that needed to be made, and the possibilities of something wonderful. To overhaul my life and start from scratch without any job prospects was daunting. I reminded myself I stand on the shoulders of really strong women who taught me to go for what I wanted.
My early days in New York had me doing all kinds of jobs from hosting at a restaurant called Sarabeth. It overlooked Central park and apparently the same building that house Lady Gaga. I couldn’t survive in the city with that salary so I got another job at the hotel, working the front desk. In between that, I interned with stylists, connected with other photographers for shoots - this blog was that creative channel I needed. Finally, I got my huge break with CHANEL.
My first job interview was a week after Kimantion’s passing. I remember my heart was heavy with grief, I wasn't sure I could even do it since it was on video. Flo, my sister told me to take a moment, and think what Kim would want. She urged me to take a shower, beat my face, and set up my phone for the video interview. I started my job 4 months later. It’s bittersweet not being able to share that with Kim, but his spirit and the memories I have of him live on.
I still can't believe it’s been five years. It blows my mind sometimes. The comment people say of how time goes by so fast rings true. August is next week!
This year will be one for the history books. So much has happened. So much is going on. I feel like we are in a cataclysmic shift. This year is so mind blowing! If anyone had told us about it last summer while partying in rooftops and hugging each other, we would have laughed them off.
2020 was the year we all wanted to travel, explore, get started on new adventures, buy homes, finish projects but life has a way of upending everything.
I have learnt to take all these changes in stride.
New York City was the epicenter of the COVID-19 pandemic earlier this year. It was heartbreaking to see the city we all love, the city that never sleeps - go on a shut down. There are so many losses that this pandemic has brought forth.
I believe we are all trying our best to cope, to survive, and hope that we can come out of this healthy and alive.
I have a deeper appreciation for nature because while at shut down, nature was the one place you could go too. I enjoy walks and picnics. I enjoy conversations of depth with people I care about. I enjoy being on the phone with a loved one. I started meditating because my anxiety in the early days of the pandemic was up the roof. It’s a daily practice though I fall short on other days.
The best part is that, I am here - writing again. Enjoying the process of creating looks for shoots. Immersing myself in this process that I had taken a break from. I am all for celebrating wins, even small ones.
Happy 5 New York! I look forward to the next 5.
JAN 14TH - B DAY
I was born exactly fourteen days after the new year. This is usually a time off deep reflection for me. First off with gratitude to God for the blessing of another year around the sun. It truly is a present in itself, the gift of being alive. I woke up to my mother’s videos on whatsapp, singing HAPPY BIRTHDAY ROSHIE! It was the sweetest thing ever.
Today is a new chapter in my life. I can honestly tell you that this book is getting very interesting. I think about the space I was in last year, the things I used to worry about so much that don’t take up any space in my mind. The toxic relationship, the worry of things to come, and of the things I surprised myself by accomplishing. All of these things are worthy of being grateful. It’s a great reminder that after everything, I’m still okay and life is beautiful!
As a lover of all things wit and wisdom, quotes are always peppered with them, I will wrap up bday post with words by Victoria Erickson
“I love getting older. My understanding deepens. I can see what connects. I can weave stories of experience and apply them. I can integrate the lessons. Things simply become more and more fascinating. Beauty reveals itself in thousands of forms.”
Thank you for stopping by :)
PHOTOGRAPHY - MY GIRL JESS
HAPPY 2020
FEELS AMAZING TO BE JOTTING WORDS ON HERE!! FEELS SOOO GOOD!
HAPPY NEW YEAR MY DEAR READER. Thank you for being here - I am eternally grateful. I stopped blogging last year. Felt like I needed to take a break…a mental one.
I had come back from Kenya from a much needed break but for some reason when it came to writing on the blog. I could not connect - my writing did not feel authentic. Initially, I felt guilty but after some deep thought - it came to me that it’s okay to take breaks. We don’t realize how sometimes we can be caught up in the constant motion of life that we forget to be at ease. To relax, breathe and move to the beat of your own drum.
The grief from my brother’s passing hit me like a wave late 2018. Grief came to me, attached itself and walked with me everywhere. The nights were horrible. During the early months 2019, I literally let go. Gym was not all that interesting to me. I was in a relationship that was going to shits. I was slightly withdrawn. I fakes smiled my way through it all. Gained weight and was nonchalant about everything. I had a huge WTF moment one night when I was bingeing on netflix, and eating a whole bag of gummy bears for dinner. Whew!
I asked myself what would KIM SAY - seeing me sitting here, having an everlasting pity party, not being myself. Kim, was always upbeat and hype. I felt his energy around me urging me to get up and get moving. That life was an adventure!! It was then that I resolved to make a few changes. First order of business, get back to the gym - and sign up for a half marathon in the Fall that way I can start training, two - start living life. Go dancing, meet up with friends, make new friends, try new things, get out off this relationship that was going to shits, read, and heal. HEAL!
2019 Spring moving forward was an amazing year - I laughed so hard - and for me laughter is a cure to everything! My friendships got stronger, deeper - a sisterhood. I am dating now and I will revisit this some time but for now let me say am happy! Work is going well. My family is great and everyone is healthy. I am super grateful and blessed.
The philosopher Lao Tzu once said be content with what you have, rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking - the whole world belongs to you.
I felt this to the core. I have learnt to appreciate everything I have. Family, friends, good health because sometimes we get caught up with the - what’s next and forget the now.
My mother had gone for mass to usher in the New year. I called her to wish her a Happy New Year as Kenya got to 2020 about 7 hrs before we, in New York did. I asked her what message was shared from the homily. Mum’s response was dare, preserve - and live life courageously. I love that, sounds like a motto.
This brought back a post I had shared on my Instagram stories that resonated with me, especially when it comes to doing things in life. Like moving to a new place, or changing a career, or starting a blog, or like me keeping up with it. I even wondered if I should bring it back but I know my soul craves this writing that I do. I know I share my thought on here but selfishly, I do it for me. The quote went like this -
I hope you are not held back because of a number.
And that you don’t rush into things because you feel like time is slipping by.
I hope you do what is right for you. Hold on.
Slow down. And breathe in.
Your age is your age. But most importantly,
your life is your life. Don’t change your journey so it matches anyone else.
We need to walk different paths so the whole world can be explored.
Revel in the differences. And enjoy where you are, in this moment.
So as we usher in the new year and a new decade - may the intentions you set come to fruition, may you enjoy living in the present and may you live your life courageously. Thank you for stopping by!
Happy 2020 :)
PHOTOGRAPHY: JESSICA CALDERON
MAASAI BLANKET OVER DENIM ON DENIM
Vipi Vipi beautiful people.
Getting back to regular posting as promised.
First and foremost, I would like to extend my condolences to the families and friends of everyone who lost a special someone on the Ethiopian Airlines flight that crashed this past Sunday. My thoughts and prayers are with you during this very difficult time.
Over the past year, I know of friends and loved one who have lost someone that they truly love. For me, it’s a constant reminder to embrace each day, be present, and pour my love to my dear people for tomorrow is never promised.
For today’s denim on denim look, I went with the maasai blanket and red boots as the accessories and accent color. Blue and red compliment each other beautifully and they also happen to be my two favorite colors.
I did another maasai blanket look here
The blankets are perfect as a winter scarf as they keep you warm and have a very chic vibe to it.
MAASAI BLANKET: MAASAI MARKET
JEANS: EXPRESS
BOOTS: BERSHKA
DENIM SHIRT: ZARA
EARINGS: HM
HAT & BACKPACK: ZARA
SUNNIES: RAY BANS