I BELIEVE IT'S STILL OK TO SAY THIS
HAPPY 2019!!!!
The first post of the year!
Happy New Month, Happy New Year and I do hope everything is going great on your end.
Last night has the snow softly streaked by my window, I wondered how I would start this post.
I have been away from this blog for about 3 months now. My last post was in Thanksgiving, the advent of the holiday season that takes us all the way to the new year.
This past holiday season became the most unbearable time ever. Internally, I was going through so many motions and externally I exuded nothing but a cheery demeanor.
I felt like I was going through and endless roller-coaster which at times made it hard to sleep at night.
The days kept trudging on each other, dragging their feet like a man tired of carrying a heat load - looking for their final destination.
In as much as there were so many amazing things that happened in 2018 - the grief of having lost my dear brother put a damper on everything. The holiday season was the icing on the cake- made me/us realize what a gaping whole that’s been left in my family.
We visited Kim’s grave-site on Christmas day. Said prayers. Hugs were shared, tears streamed down our faces as the constant reality of what is reflected in out tear streaked eyes.
Nothing brings forth communion as sharing a meal together. We had lunch on that day and later in the evening- I was headed back to New York City.
The New Year came with all it’s pomp and glitter, fireworks, resolutions, and what have you.
For me- just another ordinary day. I had planned a trip to Kenya a few days later that I was soo looking forward to.
Kenya was beyond amazing. It was everything I needed and then some.
It almost felt like I had been holding my breath for a long time and being there I was a release.
A deep whoosh that I needed.
I remembered to laugh again.
That laughter that comes from deep your lungs and makes your whole body tremble.
I became present making each connection that crossed my path appreciated.
I reconnected with old friends.
And just being around all that sunshine made bloom. I had been a plant that lacked light for photosynthesis, but with every ones light shining soo much around me - it’s honest to say that I found myself for I had been in a dark place. Really dark, at it frightened me.
When I came back from vacation, I acknowledged the change and I knew that one way or another I would have to address it on the blog.
I always talk about art and the journey it has brought me thus far. The first person who realized I could draw really well was Kim. In his honor, it’s only right to include an art section. Like a journal of some sort.
Somewhere along the way, I forgot about art and it was more fashion and writing.
Currently, I struggle with my art because I haven’t practiced much.
I started painting and drawing last month.
The pieces are a tad hideous. I know I could do better but for now I have to workout these art muscles that have over time become turgid. Limp.
It’s like going back to a house you neglected for years.
Weeds the size of trees lean on the wall. Inside, the house has a layer of dust so thick, cobwebs everywhere, paint so faded you wouldn’t be able to discern the original color, wall paper is falling off. The windows broken with rusty frames however, the general foundation of this house.
Impeccable.
Some serious tender loving care needs to be done to get this house in order.
Make it have that spark.
And yes, I just likened my art to a neglected house that has been left to rot. The good news is that there is hope.
Art, Fashion and Writing will share a spotlight on this space. That way, I can cater to all three rather than feel pulled away from either one.
It’s still snowing this morning, the pictures you see we took a couple of weeks ago with my dear Jess.
I love what I see because it’s me blooming.
It’s ok to take breaks, especially when you feel overwhelmed. Surround yourself with people who love you, people who know your story, your journey. People who will hold your hand when you feel as if you are stumbling. People who will make you laugh. People who will remind you of your purpose when you personally feel like it does not exist.
Happy March my dear. Thank you for being here.
Love and light!
THANKSGIVING 2018
Yesterday I had dinner with some amazing friends. One of my friends, Annette, was about to perform at the Macy’s Thanksgiving parade. so proud of her!!
She saw an audition a while back, sent in a video and boom!
Life and taking chances, that’s what it’s about. You never know until you try.
My sister Flo, is in town as well which is great coz my friends to also meet her.
After dinner, we did this thing where we went around saying what we were grateful for.
It was heart warming to here everyone’s gratitude quip because we all have something to be grateful for.
This has been one tough year for me and despite all that. I am so grateful for the many amazing people who surround me, inspire me, motivate me, and most of all support me.
Grateful for the opportunities that have cone my way. Grateful for my family. Grateful for the ability to wake up each morning and do what I love. Grateful for the process that has lead me to where I am today. Grateful for those frustrating days where sometimes I wanted to give up because they really made me resilient.
Grateful for each and every person I cross paths with for even if it’s for a short season, they were sent my way for a reason.
Grateful for the many lessons I have learnt because life dishes them like candy, and I receive them albeit disgruntled, but still receive them.
Most of all, I am grateful for this space, this platform where I am able to share stories, truth, style and connect with you.
I am grateful for you.
Happy Thanksgiving to you and your loved ones.
CASUAL IN A BOYFRIEND SHIRT AND UNDER ARMOR TIGHTS
Ever wondered why there is always a need to buy something? Is it amazing marketing from the brands, your favorite bloggers rocking it, or just plain desire.
What strokes the desire? Probably it’s the countless images you see daily. From your phone, to your tv, to your favorite video subscription, on your commute home. Everywhere! Truth be told, do you really need it?
Fashion’s entire existence is to tell you, you need it. That which you did not know you need, is WHAT your truly need. I read an article where a top guy in a fashion company stated if consumers asked that question constantly, it would be the end of Fashion because most times you really don’t need another bag, shoe, dress.
You may desire it, but you never really need it. Ever heard of buyer’s remorse? I once bought a shoe that I thought was IT! Once I got home and had a staring contest with it. I realized, I couldn’t wear it often. It was a color that did not work with many of my outfits, a tad uncomfortable, it was just another shoe that will occupy an already small square footage of my room.
Uggh - so brunch on this day happened when I decided to say I don’t really need another pair of pants. I can make my gym tights work. With a boyfriend shirt - soo comfy but also a look!
I have been thinking a lot about the things we need. Dabbling on minimalism. I know… I know…me.. a huge believer of the term more is more, hence, figured I should share my insights with you. :)
Next time you go shopping ask yourself, do you really need it? Let me know how that goes. Or share your buyer’s remorse story. I def want to here those.
SIX YEAR ANNEVARSARY
This week, the blog turned 6. My goodness! Six!! If someone would have told me back then when I had just published that first post in 2012 I would be here jotting this piece, I would not have believed them.
Truth be told, I almost… almost forgot about my annevarsary. I feel like so much has happened this year that kinda shifted how I looked at things. The main one being the loss of my brother Kim.
I am still grieving. Losing my brother so suddenly, so soon, made me want to curl up in a ball and shut out the world. I don’t think there is a day that goes by without thinking about him. Shutting out the world made me sink deeper into other things. Escapism.
I think I have reread all the books on my Kindle. Books have always been my go to or gym.
Talking about gym, man - I neglected those gym dates as if they were a visit to the colonoscopist. My body felt it too. The endorphins I was used to getting post workout, the burst of new ideas all dimmed.
There is a month I did not log in on this space. This space that has been such a sanctuary, a gallery of inspiration, and a log book of words that resonated with you.
It’s after I had gotten back to Mexico at the end of August after a much needed time off, that I knew I had to pick up where I had left off.
I had pending posts, shoot ideas that I had jotted months ago that never came to fruition, the online shop, more creative channels to share these stories and low-key my psyche got affected. I had trampled my creative self and it was starting to take a toll on me. My face was breaking out. I had strated eating like crap which made me feel like crap!
I knew I had to jump right in and get things straightened out. When I do creative work. I thrive. I don’t care what it is. It could be painting, writing, cooking, sewing - it’s like meditation.
So last month I got back to regular gym dates and it felt amazing! My body had missed those grueling sessions. Sometime last week during a cardio session, I found myself crying, the tear ducts must have exploded or something. It was like going through a cleanse.
Gosh, this has been one heavy post. I should be celebrating and talking about - fun stuff but this is where I come to lay it down. The last couple of posts felt bla! I felt bla writing them.
No one teaches us how to grieve. Yes, there books about it, and counselors but the whole experience is singular. The grief path is mine to walk alone. No one can understand it. No one can walk it with you.
Time, your told, is your friend.
What you are not told is the many times memories will surface and catch you unawares.
Or the time that you will see someone resembling your brother across the street that made your heart almost skip a beat.
Or the time you want to make a phone call because something amazing happened but there is no one on the other side of the phone.
Or the time a joke you laughed about makes an appearance, and you start laughing and crying at the same time and people around you wonder if you are ok.
Or the time you are deleting your old voicemails and you come across one that remind you of his voice then you wonder what made you so busy -you missed that call.
Or old text messages.
Or that every time you log in on Netflix, you will see his profile, and he won’t text you on a random day to remind him the password.
And since Kim took some my pictures in the early years of this blog, I do remember the times he would drive me to a location I had spotted. He was more hype than me! Man, he treated them like a shoot on a major magazine. Couldn’t wait for the day!
The things that seemed so banal, I would do anything to go through them one more time.
We do not understand how little time we have until life reminds us how fleeting our mortality is.
Oh, I will do it tomorrow. What if tomorrow never comes?
When I started this blog I had reservations. I doubted myself but I got it started anyway.
There have been many lessons, growth, and amazing opportunities - and it will only get better!
Go head and do what you would like to do.
Most of the times, we are worried about what people will say or do.
They don’t matter. Folks will have opinions about everything and anything. Do you!
I shared six things I have learnt over the years on my Instagram and I figured I might as well share them here.
1.Have fun - a must! I will stop blogging the day it stops being enjoyable.
2. Share what you love...tell stories. There is someone out there who will be encouraged or inspired by your stories. Go tell them.
3. Be humble and stay curious.
4. You are not competing with anyone but yourself. This one is major! Esp in the age of social media where you may feel your value is akin to the number of followers you may have amassed. The 300 followers do not make my content any less to anyone with 300K. Keep working on you and your craft. Growth is slow and gradual but consistency is everything. Darling, you are competing with yourself. Stay on course. Everyone is on their own lane.
5.Ask questions. The only way you will learn. Ask, Ask, Ask!
6. Stay true to self. I can’t emphasize how important this is. There is only one you. No one else has your ideas other than you. Make them happen. Don’t follow what everyone is doing. Everyone is never right. Remember that quote on being an original and not a copy?
I hadn’t intended to go all in on the motions but here we are. A couple of weeks ago, I was having a conversation with a friend of mine and we were talking about loss and grieving and he asked me if I thought I was depressed. Perhaps.
I know I was going through some stages of it. Denial, anger, bargaining, annnddd depression is somewhere right there. I don’t think I want to sit still and figure this out by myself but I will keep you updated. I think it is important as a community to be able to talk about issues that we go through in life. I know for sure I am not alone.
On a POSITIVE note. I started a new job 2 months ago and it’s been a dream come true - at times have to pinch myself. I am currently working at CHANEL. I can’t say how excited I am about this journey!! Been a fan of mademoiselle Coco Chanel since time in memorial. In the early days of the blog, Coco Chanel’s quote was up there with the Anneconventional banner. See how the universe works? :)
Lastly, even though I know I am still going through the motions. The getting back up had to happen because the only way I can honor my biggest cheerleader and hypeman Kimnation is by doing what I always do best. Create. I know he is up there scream YEAHHHH!!!! Roshienation!!
Happy SIX and too many more!
As always, many thanks for stopping by. I appreciate you!
