"You have been assigned this mountain to show others that it can be moved." Unknown
The other day I got started on a project then a little voice at the back of my head started asking questions. The more I started paying attention to it the louder the voice became. When I decided to focus and pay attention to what I was doing, the little voice would fade away. The more I would immerse myself into the project, the voice faded away like the mist of breath on a mirror.
I have often asked myself why I always succumbed to this little voice especially when whatever I am working on is not sub par. Looking back from some decisions I had made in the past in regards to anything I would be working on, this little voice had been a deciding factor. I would not call it the voice of reason, I think of the voice of reason as calm, collected, poised and with a soft understanding smile. This other voice was an annoying screeching voice which often got to me, resulting to me throwing away my art work, or a top I had made in the trash in the trash! It's the voice that wants everything to be perfect but here's the thing, nothing ever is perfect. I can vividly remember the frustration I feel after throwing my work in the garbage. Those were painful moments, like breaking up with someone you had invested in. Someone you had hopes and dreams about but sadly, they fell short not because it was their fault, but yours.
I pray often. It keeps me calm. This gift that I have been given is mines to share. This journey of creativity and self - discovery is wrought with many doubts. It's part and parcel of the creation process. The questions are a constant roller coaster in my head. Will this work? Is this work that I will be proud of? Will this inspire someone? What am I learning? What are you doing? This is crap? This is amazing!! Sometimes I do wonder why I do this in the first place. Then I have to remember the why. The why helps me put things in perspective. The only thing that kills any creative endeavor is self - doubt. Therefore, in as much I struggle with it, I have to forge on because it's in the process of creating and putting in the work that I discover myself. That screeching squeeky voice be damned!!