Have you ever felt just a little bit overwhelmed? At the numerous things you have taken on, knowingly or unknowingly and scared shitless that all the balls you are trying to juggle will hit the floor? Then what?
Like this marathon that I promised my brother I would do this year. Or the shop that currently is an archived segment of this blog. I dread logging on nowadays because for some reason, it is still there waiting. If this was an actual brick and mortar store, the shelves would be sad and bare as if a storm was passing by and everyone had grabbed everything. And the art classes that I took on. These art classes frustrate the life of me. They make me uncomfortable and challenged beyond! Where at the end of the week, close to 40 sketches need to be submitted, on a 18 by 24 sketchbook. Did I say every week? Yeah! Then there is the mind, and soul - some spiritual food is mandatory, and the gym dates, then the scheduled blog posts, then the most important people in my life because like all things, relationships are to be nurtured.
I find that I am sleeping less, and up more, constantly on the next thing, the next item, the next...
Sometimes, I want things to move really fast, I get a tad impatient. But that soft voice somewhere keeps telling me to enjoy the process. The process! That process is bane of my existence. It can sap your strength, drain your mojo, get you all worried and doubtful, and any positive mantras you picked up go through a process of sublimation, and disappear in thin air. Nothing solid here.
I really don't want to reason with that voice. It's making sense and all I want to do is whine!
Gary Vee calls it eating shit. Well, ain't that delicious!
This post was to be published a couple weeks ago. But I delayed it. The end! For two whole weeks! Ah well, I said I won't be hard on myself.
I allow myself to be honest and even vulnerable on this platform. I, selfishly, write for self, then share it with you because I always think that somewhere, out there, there is someone going through the same thing. This process. Someone has a napkin on, eating shit!
It also becomes a cleansing of some sort. To write what feels true in what my everyday life offers, the challenges, the desires, the frustrations - to describe them with sincerity. To live my truth. I ask questions, and most importantly to myself. Sometimes, I don't have the answers but I try to live with these questions. Daily. Then perhaps, in the near future, the answers will stroll along.
Trust the process, be ready to eat shit! Training for this Marathon is a true definition of eating shit. I keep making excuses but I promised to do it, and I am not one to break a promise. I'm using this training process as a guide to my life right now. It's like throwing a stone in the pond and watching the ripples it makes extend to another, then another then another.
It's weird how things are connected. Out there running, my body is being pushed to its limits, my mind fired up with every mile. Training for a marathon is hard. So is life. One thing I really love about the post running feel is the mental clarity that it brings. A few ah-ha moments.
I told myself not to be hard because I took a couple weeks off. The dots eventually connect. Perhaps that's how it was meant to be. To shut down the mental computer that this brain is and reflect, read, run, reconnect, and realize that, as we go through the THIS and THATS that is life. It's ok to quiet the mind and that the question you are living, with no answers, will find you sipping coffee in a little cafe, or sorting through laundry, or even in the heaving of your breath on that run.
The answers will find you eventually, at a time & space you need them. For there some questions we ask ourselves in life, that we are not ready for the answers at the current space we are in. And even if we got them, we would not know what to do with them. Keep living, ask questions.
Trust the process!
PHOTOGRAPHY: JESS CURLDERON
Dress: Thrifted Vinatage