This week, the blog turned 6. My goodness! Six!! If someone would have told me back then when I had just published that first post in 2012 I would be here jotting this piece, I would not have believed them.
Truth be told, I almost… almost forgot about my annevarsary. I feel like so much has happened this year that kinda shifted how I looked at things. The main one being the loss of my brother Kim.
I am still grieving. Losing my brother so suddenly, so soon, made me want to curl up in a ball and shut out the world. I don’t think there is a day that goes by without thinking about him. Shutting out the world made me sink deeper into other things. Escapism.
I think I have reread all the books on my Kindle. Books have always been my go to or gym.
Talking about gym, man - I neglected those gym dates as if they were a visit to the colonoscopist. My body felt it too. The endorphins I was used to getting post workout, the burst of new ideas all dimmed.
There is a month I did not log in on this space. This space that has been such a sanctuary, a gallery of inspiration, and a log book of words that resonated with you.
It’s after I had gotten back to Mexico at the end of August after a much needed time off, that I knew I had to pick up where I had left off.
I had pending posts, shoot ideas that I had jotted months ago that never came to fruition, the online shop, more creative channels to share these stories and low-key my psyche got affected. I had trampled my creative self and it was starting to take a toll on me. My face was breaking out. I had strated eating like crap which made me feel like crap!
I knew I had to jump right in and get things straightened out. When I do creative work. I thrive. I don’t care what it is. It could be painting, writing, cooking, sewing - it’s like meditation.
So last month I got back to regular gym dates and it felt amazing! My body had missed those grueling sessions. Sometime last week during a cardio session, I found myself crying, the tear ducts must have exploded or something. It was like going through a cleanse.
Gosh, this has been one heavy post. I should be celebrating and talking about - fun stuff but this is where I come to lay it down. The last couple of posts felt bla! I felt bla writing them.
No one teaches us how to grieve. Yes, there books about it, and counselors but the whole experience is singular. The grief path is mine to walk alone. No one can understand it. No one can walk it with you.
Time, your told, is your friend.
What you are not told is the many times memories will surface and catch you unawares.
Or the time that you will see someone resembling your brother across the street that made your heart almost skip a beat.
Or the time you want to make a phone call because something amazing happened but there is no one on the other side of the phone.
Or the time a joke you laughed about makes an appearance, and you start laughing and crying at the same time and people around you wonder if you are ok.
Or the time you are deleting your old voicemails and you come across one that remind you of his voice then you wonder what made you so busy -you missed that call.
Or old text messages.
Or that every time you log in on Netflix, you will see his profile, and he won’t text you on a random day to remind him the password.
And since Kim took some my pictures in the early years of this blog, I do remember the times he would drive me to a location I had spotted. He was more hype than me! Man, he treated them like a shoot on a major magazine. Couldn’t wait for the day!
The things that seemed so banal, I would do anything to go through them one more time.
We do not understand how little time we have until life reminds us how fleeting our mortality is.
Oh, I will do it tomorrow. What if tomorrow never comes?
When I started this blog I had reservations. I doubted myself but I got it started anyway.
There have been many lessons, growth, and amazing opportunities - and it will only get better!
Go head and do what you would like to do.
Most of the times, we are worried about what people will say or do.
They don’t matter. Folks will have opinions about everything and anything. Do you!
I shared six things I have learnt over the years on my Instagram and I figured I might as well share them here.
1.Have fun - a must! I will stop blogging the day it stops being enjoyable.
2. Share what you love...tell stories. There is someone out there who will be encouraged or inspired by your stories. Go tell them.
3. Be humble and stay curious.
4. You are not competing with anyone but yourself. This one is major! Esp in the age of social media where you may feel your value is akin to the number of followers you may have amassed. The 300 followers do not make my content any less to anyone with 300K. Keep working on you and your craft. Growth is slow and gradual but consistency is everything. Darling, you are competing with yourself. Stay on course. Everyone is on their own lane.
5.Ask questions. The only way you will learn. Ask, Ask, Ask!
6. Stay true to self. I can’t emphasize how important this is. There is only one you. No one else has your ideas other than you. Make them happen. Don’t follow what everyone is doing. Everyone is never right. Remember that quote on being an original and not a copy?
I hadn’t intended to go all in on the motions but here we are. A couple of weeks ago, I was having a conversation with a friend of mine and we were talking about loss and grieving and he asked me if I thought I was depressed. Perhaps.
I know I was going through some stages of it. Denial, anger, bargaining, annnddd depression is somewhere right there. I don’t think I want to sit still and figure this out by myself but I will keep you updated. I think it is important as a community to be able to talk about issues that we go through in life. I know for sure I am not alone.
On a POSITIVE note. I started a new job 2 months ago and it’s been a dream come true - at times have to pinch myself. I am currently working at CHANEL. I can’t say how excited I am about this journey!! Been a fan of mademoiselle Coco Chanel since time in memorial. In the early days of the blog, Coco Chanel’s quote was up there with the Anneconventional banner. See how the universe works? :)
Lastly, even though I know I am still going through the motions. The getting back up had to happen because the only way I can honor my biggest cheerleader and hypeman Kimnation is by doing what I always do best. Create. I know he is up there scream YEAHHHH!!!! Roshienation!!
Happy SIX and too many more!
As always, many thanks for stopping by. I appreciate you!