I BELIEVE IT'S STILL OK TO SAY THIS
The first post of the year!
Happy New Month, Happy New Year and I do hope everything is going great on your end.
Last night has the snow softly streaked by my window, I wondered how I would start this post.
I have been away from this blog for about 3 months now. My last post was in Thanksgiving, the advent of the holiday season that takes us all the way to the new year.
This past holiday season became the most unbearable time ever. Internally, I was going through so many motions and externally I exuded nothing but a cheery demeanor.
I felt like I was going through and endless roller-coaster which at times made it hard to sleep at night.
The days kept trudging on each other, dragging their feet like a man tired of carrying a heat load - looking for their final destination.
In as much as there were so many amazing things that happened in 2018 - the grief of having lost my dear brother put a damper on everything. The holiday season was the icing on the cake- made me/us realize what a gaping whole that’s been left in my family.
We visited Kim’s grave-site on Christmas day. Said prayers. Hugs were shared, tears streamed down our faces as the constant reality of what is reflected in out tear streaked eyes.
Nothing brings forth communion as sharing a meal together. We had lunch on that day and later in the evening- I was headed back to New York City.
The New Year came with all it’s pomp and glitter, fireworks, resolutions, and what have you.
For me- just another ordinary day. I had planned a trip to Kenya a few days later that I was soo looking forward to.
Kenya was beyond amazing. It was everything I needed and then some.
It almost felt like I had been holding my breath for a long time and being there I was a release.
A deep whoosh that I needed.
I remembered to laugh again.
That laughter that comes from deep your lungs and makes your whole body tremble.
I became present making each connection that crossed my path appreciated.
I reconnected with old friends.
And just being around all that sunshine made bloom. I had been a plant that lacked light for photosynthesis, but with every ones light shining soo much around me - it’s honest to say that I found myself for I had been in a dark place. Really dark, at it frightened me.
When I came back from vacation, I acknowledged the change and I knew that one way or another I would have to address it on the blog.
I always talk about art and the journey it has brought me thus far. The first person who realized I could draw really well was Kim. In his honor, it’s only right to include an art section. Like a journal of some sort.
Somewhere along the way, I forgot about art and it was more fashion and writing.
Currently, I struggle with my art because I haven’t practiced much.
I started painting and drawing last month.
The pieces are a tad hideous. I know I could do better but for now I have to workout these art muscles that have over time become turgid. Limp.
It’s like going back to a house you neglected for years.
Weeds the size of trees lean on the wall. Inside, the house has a layer of dust so thick, cobwebs everywhere, paint so faded you wouldn’t be able to discern the original color, wall paper is falling off. The windows broken with rusty frames however, the general foundation of this house.
Some serious tender loving care needs to be done to get this house in order.
Make it have that spark.
And yes, I just likened my art to a neglected house that has been left to rot. The good news is that there is hope.
Art, Fashion and Writing will share a spotlight on this space. That way, I can cater to all three rather than feel pulled away from either one.
It’s still snowing this morning, the pictures you see we took a couple of weeks ago with my dear Jess.
I love what I see because it’s me blooming.
It’s ok to take breaks, especially when you feel overwhelmed. Surround yourself with people who love you, people who know your story, your journey. People who will hold your hand when you feel as if you are stumbling. People who will make you laugh. People who will remind you of your purpose when you personally feel like it does not exist.
Happy March my dear. Thank you for being here.
Love and light!